The Pain That Drives Me

Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

Intelligence in humans has proven to be a bit of comedic irony. Intelligence in humans just provides people with a means to create beliefs and arguments which are even stupider than what truly stupid people could create. Endowed with any degree of mental capacity, humans will do nothing but pursue higher degrees of delusion, stupidity, ignorance, and arrogance which simply cannot be attained by those lacking this intelligence. In an allegory, there are those who are stupid, burdened by a heavy weight upon their chest. Those who are intelligent are strong enough to lift this weight off of their chest. Despite having the power to lift this weight, the intelligent among us chose to lift a second weight of stupidity and pile it atop their original burden of stupidity, further crushing themselves with stupidity in a manner those who are truly stupid lack the capacity to do so. It is disconcerting, not out of compassion or sympathy, but simply out of profound bafflement that when presented with such a situation the human race elects to escalate their own crushing death rather than alleviate it.

One may say there are those who engage in hard science often accept the fact that they have no capacity to bend the results of scientific experiments to their whims and that the truth as produced by scientific experiment is more valid than the fettering thoughts of the human mind. Unfortunately even these fields have started to succumb to the same degree of tyrannical delusion that sadistically torture every non-empirical field before us. The scientists now peddle fantasies without evidence, all while other sciences become prohibited on the grounds that these sciences hurt peoples’ feelings. Science is being prohibited simply because it crushes peoples’ fantasies and delusions, and that is the most pathetic state the world can exist in.

I often question why I choose to remain alive. It sickens me that I would tolerate such company. To coexist with such people induces nothing but disgust, and the stupidity wielded by these people is so honed and deadly that wars are waged against those who condemn it, and the blows struck by this stupidity are exceedingly painful. It is painful to have your mind assaulted by the endless egotism, arrogance, and delusion of a shameless and godless beast who thinks that they’re the victim whenever reality doesn’t bend to their whim.

There is nothing that can be gained by being alive, there is no hope for this species, this species is so inherently flawed on a psychological level that it is impossible to salvage any semblance of civilization. They have destroyed the tool of religion, the one tool which made civilization possible, and now simply sit there and wait, rotting, dying, as their civilization crumbles, doing nothing, because to do something correctly is too much work and not pleasurable enough for mankind.

I am not religious, but it is easy to understand that religion was a tool which abused human instinct and human stupidity to ensure that humans behave in a manner which creates civilization; religion does this by using instinctive paranoia to induce a fear of God and thus morality. When you weaponize the stupidity of humans, you teach them to fight off god with their own arrogance: you have now destroyed the one tool you had which was capable of creating civilization. In their own delusional and misbegotten quest to improve their civilization, the arrogance of the human race has readily destroyed it. When people don’t instinctively fear God due to ignorance, they in turn are no longer moral, and when people are no longer moral, you no longer have the capacity to produce civilization.

I’m as much a coward as I am a masochist, and I have no intention of killing myself. Despite this, I often think about it. It is tragic that the inescapable and insufferable stupidity, arrogance, and self-righteousness is so powerful as to cause a person to contemplate suicide. I am not sad, I am not embittered, or any of the typical sad feeling bullshit associated with suicide. I simply detest the company of the human race to such a great degree that I would rather be dead. To sit in a room with somebody so insufferable that you truly contemplate suicide solely out of the degree that you cannot stand to hear the person talk is jarring, yet this is where I find myself every day, every time I look on the internet, turn on the television, or otherwise attempt to hold a conversation with a human whose arm of ego is strong as the days are long while their arm of reason is withered and feeble.

I am perfectly happy and I am seldom if ever sad, never for more than a moment. I enjoy my life and I have a good time. Despite this, each time a human opens their mouth or writes text on the internet, it often causes me to contemplate suicide. Not out of discontent with my life, simply out of sheer disdain and disgust for the godless, shameless, and dysfunctional philosophy and culture of the human race coupled with the insufferable nature of the general public and their weaponized stupidity, arrogance, and egotism.

Despite my happy life, full of laughs and joy, even the presence of a human sentiment for a moment is enough to drive me to such contemplation. Again, not out of sadness, just contempt for the human race. At first I considered this position to be an unusual one, but I would not be surprised if many people in the past have succumbed to the temptation of suicide, despite living a happy live, solely out of contempt for the human race. Not an ounce of sadness, just such contempt that one would rather be dead than be so masochistic as to tolerate the presence of such inane, godforsaken and shameless monsters as human beings.

It is not that I have been wronged or harmed in any way, and I hold no grudges against anyone personally. There is nothing that I want which I do not have. I am perfectly content and happy every day. It is just that the collective stupidity of the human race is so painful to experience, that experiencing this pain on a daily basis drives me to contemplate suicide. It is a pain both dull and seething at the same time, constantly attempting to strangle my brain and force itself upon by body, and I have learned that the stupidity of the human race is one I have no capacity to fight off in any way.

This is not to say there are no decent people or no people worthy of conversation and debate, as there are a handful of these people. The issue is that despite this tiny minority of people, the masses themselves are far too populous, and the unquestionable autocracy of human shortcomings which defines every aspect of media and culture in our society all but destroys the capacity to psychologically subsist upon the sustenance provided by the few people able to actually in engage in an activity beyond the rancor and revelry of gorging themselves upon the psychological dysfunction of the human mind and intellect.

Despite these few acceptable people, able to at least put on a good show and sweep their flaws under the rug on the corner, to exist in such a state is like attempting to breath the bubbles of air when swimming underwater. As much as it is true that there are bubbles of air underwater, attempting to breathe this air induces drowning. That is the feeling I feel every day. That of drowning. Drowning in the stupidity of mankind. As much as people tend to think of suicide as a sad experience, were I ever to commit suicide, it is simply a very polite, “No, thank you.” to the decadent buffet of human depravity which is laid before me every day.

I understand that in this society, there’s a buffet with paper bags, each accompanied with every flavor of spray paint imaginable. Unfortunately, I don’t find such a life fulfilling, and while you may certainly enjoy such a life, it’s not particularly my cup of tea. Naturally I would pass on the invitation, but as I’ve not much of a choice beyond drastic measures, I still subsist in my own masochism, attempting to avoid the pain induced even by a moment’s glance at the terminal cancer upon civilization which is the post-human race, ever so proud of itself, proving that a cancer can exist in a human body just as much as a healthy organ. It shouldn’t surprise people that a cancer can also fuel itself within a human body, but somehow contemporary man believes this is the greatest point of pride he has to his name, to be a cancer slowly eating away at the dying civilization which has unfortunately produced him.





Used to write things, a couple books. Delusions of being able to help humanity faded. Now I'm mostly just waiting to die.

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Marzipan Maddox

Marzipan Maddox

Used to write things, a couple books. Delusions of being able to help humanity faded. Now I'm mostly just waiting to die.

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